Town Clerk Ahem Dies; Throat Cleared

Ahem, the interjection that served as town clerk of Tannery Reach for eleven decades, died on Thursday aged one hundred and ten, after a short clearing of the throat. It is survived by a pause.

Ahem took the post in the colony's ninth generation, when settlers found that no one would stop talking long enough to be recorded. A single raised ahem opened the meeting, closed the meeting and, on contested nights, did both. It never lost a vote.

Mireille Hoang, deputy listener under Ahem for forty years, recalled its record. "It never missed a sitting. People talked over it, of course, but they always knew it was there, which is more than I can say for most of them."

The successor, a cough, was sworn in Friday by Astrid Mirzoyan, chair of the Reach Assembly, before two hundred residents. The cough was dry and brief. Several residents said it lacked authority and could be mistaken for illness. Two offered it a lozenge.

Asked whether the cough had been told its duties, Mirzoyan said it had been told once, and had coughed. She said that was the answer she expected.

The Assembly has since asked everyone in the hall to stop clearing their throats during sessions, as nobody can tell any more who is the clerk. Three people have been asked to leave. All three had a cold, and the cough has stayed to take the minutes.