Living Whale Liver Demands Pork Fat

ZURICH-ON-STILTS - City elders ordered BioBaleen to haul a forty-tonne fake whale liver through elevated streets using wooden rollers and pig fat.

Chief Ruler Sun-Hee Bergstrom ruled that municipal crews must butter six miles of stone paths with rendered fat every four hours. Flying the organ by heavy drone took fifteen minutes. However, the panel decided hovering meat ruined city sky views.

The tissue was grown to strain plastic from mountain runoff. Moving it manually across upper terraces will take eleven days and dismantle three cafes.

"Traders along the main street may find the warm fat smell foul," wrote Bergstrom. "Yet an organ this body size gets no exemption just because it lacks feet."

It has no feet.

Events shifted when engineers noticed the tissue moving on its own. Friction from timber rollers and warm grease revived old muscle reflexes within the meat. By flexing its left side, the organ now navigates bends to chase pure fat.

"We thought oiling the road was a chore," said crew chief Kenji Sato, watching the wet mass slide past a tea shop. "Now we know if we fall behind, the liver gets angry."

It wants more fat.

"Yesterday it chased a butter cart up the hill," Sato added. "We had to throw it three blocks of tallow to save the driver."

City rulers have now granted the meat full right of way over all public traffic.