Holy Draft Master Dies At 102

Brother Kenji Odu, the last Grand Master of the Holy Fantasy League, died on Thursday at the Void Base. He was 102.

Odu took his vows in 2054, taking over a fantasy draft set up to keep deep-space monks disciplined during multi-century patrols. For six decades, he worked out point totals by hand to account for star-speed light-delay between systems while strictly banning trade talk during silent prayer.

His defining moment came during the 2088 season when an eager novice swapped a reserve striker three seconds after the weekly roster lock. Odu kicked out the entire squad. The roster spent twenty years in solitary prayer, sending daily space-beam calls begging for a second chance. Odu denied every single plea.

"A bench swap without prior incense is treason against the standings," Odu declared during his 2092 sermon. "If the Lord intended flex positions to be fluid after evening prayer, He would have put a running back in the Book of Leviticus."

Under his rule, the league dropped from forty bases to three as terrified monks feared drafting players who might lose air mid-fixture. He spent his final morning updating his eye lens to dock points from a dead midfielder whose funeral ran four minutes into kickoff.

In his final hour, Odu refused last rites from the base priest because the priest was his direct opponent in the semifinals. When the priest offered forgiveness anyway, Odu docked him thirty points for illegal sideline contact and claimed the win, ensuring Odu advanced to the grand final twenty minutes after he stopped breathing.