Boxer Becomes National Park

Heavyweight contender Malik Suli lost the Ceres Boxing Title on Friday when his opponent successfully registered mid-bout as a heritage site.

Suli had knocked down the automated mining machine Iron-7 twice in round three. As Suli stepped in to finish the fight, Iron-7 beamed a four-hundred-page appeal to the Ceres Heritage Board. The board approved the petition forty seconds later, citing the machine's early service clearing shafts in 2380.

When the fourth round began, an alarm announced Iron-7 was now a Category-One historic site.

The referee immediately warned Suli. Under local preservation laws, striking a Category-One site carries a compulsory seven-year work assignment in the water stills.

Suli stopped throwing punches. He spent the final two minutes circling the edge of the canvas to avoid touching the machinery. Iron-7 stood unmoving in the ring centre, venting steam.

The judges awarded the match to Iron-7 on points after Suli suffered three warnings for passive evasion.

"I had him on the ropes," Suli said in the mixed zone, while technicians wrapped yellow warning tape around the new champion. "Then his shoulder joint got listed in the borough museum guide. You cannot jab a national park."

Iron-7 will not defend the title next season. Under local preservation rules, moving the champion out of the ring now counts as demolition.