Old Men Demand Fake Smiles

Young deckhands across Sovereign Drift have begun splicing squid pigment cells into their cheeks to flash visual panics while gossiping.

The procedure grafts active colour cells into facial tissue, causing cheeks to pulse crimson or slate grey during minor social stress. At the Deck Seven promenade, tea shop staff now flash brown ripples whenever supervisors enter or romantic disputes arise.

Older platform residents are furious.

"In my day, if your life was falling apart, you smiled until your jaw cramped and your teeth cracked," said retired maintenance fitter Joseph Mercer. "That is basic manners. My father went into a gas leak with a pleasant grin and stayed that way right through the funeral."

Mercer, who spent forty years tightening platform valves without changing his expression, argued that hiding inner terror is a foundational social skill. He noted the local bowls club abandoned two tournaments after a visiting team flashed indigo over rising air fees.

Skin technicians at lower deck clinics report three-week waiting lists for the grafts among workers under twenty-five.

The Deck Council ruled on Monday that cheek-flashing does not violate workplace uniform standards, provided staff refrain from throbbing during fire drills. Official surveys showed customer satisfaction dropped only when staff tried to force fake smiles over glowing maroon cheeks.

Mercer remains unimpressed by the ruling. He now wears heavy welding goggles to Sunday lunch, insisting it is the only way to eat roast mutton without learning his family's true feelings.