Asteroid Wins In-Law Trials

A ten-metre carbonaceous asteroid won the final round of the Waystation 9 In-Law Trials on Thursday after maintaining unbroken, frigid silence through a four-course dinner.

The annual contest measures local suitors against simulated domestic pressure. Finalist Priya Nair entered the dining vault after six months of etiquette training, facing three retired dock mothers and the passing rock, which had been tethered outside the observation port.

Nair opened with a regional broth and offered three polite observations about station humidity. The mothers raised mild doubts about her posture. The asteroid said nothing, slowly occulting the local star.

During the cold protein loaf, the rock achieved a measured disapproval rating of 94.2 units per minute by simply drifting three degrees to port. Nair cracked during the tea service, apologising unprompted for her childhood grades and offering to retrain in refrigeration.

The judges awarded the asteroid a clean sweep of all six scoring slates.

"It had presence," said head judge Clara Vance, inspecting the telemetry. "Young people today over-explain themselves. That rock never made a sound, yet everyone at the table knew her broth was thin."