Wimbledon Suspended As Lawn Digests Balls

Tennis player Priya Nair stood frozen on Court One as the lawn digested her match-point serve.

The High-Wimbledon Championships were suspended on Thursday after the club's new drought-resistant hyper-turf began consuming the balls mid-rally. The engineered grass, designed to survive forty-degree summers without water, requires organic nitrogen to stay green. It has found this in the felt of the low-bounce championship balls.

Tournament officials told Nair to play the ball where it lies. She spent three hours staring at the soil.

The tournament committee is currently meeting to decide whether a vegetative swallow constitutes a fault or a let. Under current rules, a ball is in play until it stops bouncing. The turf prevents this.

"It is not a fault," said head referee Arthur Pendelton. "The ball is still there."

Play has ceased. Groundskeepers have declined to rake the surface, citing fears of disturbing the grass during its digestive cycle.