Space Fleet Grounded By Damp Vacuum

Commander Avi Naidu grounded his patrol fleet yesterday because the local vacuum has become damp.

The decision follows the arrival of a ten-light-year radiation cloud, which Naidu describes as a miserable, clinging drizzle of ions.

"It is not proper rain," Naidu said, adjusting his woollen neck-wrap. "But it settles on the hull plating. If you go out in that, you bring the damp right back into the airlocks. It gets into the carpets."

Under garrison regulations, long-range reconnaissance is classified as outdoor work. Naidu has ordered his eighty-man crew to remain inside the waystation, where they are currently boiling warm tea and listening to radio static.

"We have a duty of care," Naidu said. "The crews would get soaked. It ruins the seals on the suits, and then everyone is grumpy."

The tactical grounding leaves a vital border sector completely unmonitored, potentially allowing raiders to cross the perimeter.

Naidu remains unconcerned.

"Nobody wants to pirate in this weather anyway," Naidu said, staring out at the grey void. "They would just get damp."