Surgeons Herd Loose Blood

Dr Avi Chen spent Thursday night pushing synthetic blood down a lift shaft with a pool noodle. He and six other senior heart surgeons at Gideon's Landing Infirmary perform this task every midnight. The chore is the result of a leak in the clinic's tissue printers, which produces thousands of litres of unallocated, self-pooling blood.

"If you corner it, it gets defensive and tries to clot," Dr Chen said. "But if you keep a steady rhythm with the noodle, you can guide it toward the drainage grate."

The hospital board declined to fix the printers, citing a budget freeze. Instead, administrators classified the nightly sweeps as a voluntary team-building exercise under the colony's wellness charter, which prevents the surgeons from claiming overtime.

Chief executive Brenda Okoro denied any coercion, arguing that chasing escaped fluids fosters lateral communication.

"Yesterday, cardiology and orthopaedics spent two hours cornering a five-litre glob behind the cafeteria vending machines," Okoro said. "That is cross-departmental synergy."

The surgeons must still perform complex coronary operations at dawn. Dr Chen noted that the blood has now begun to recognise the blue noodles, forcing the team to hunt it through the ceiling vents-which the administration has already classified as a "vertical agility retreat."